Bloom Without Casting Shade

I was born into a blended family, but I was lucky—I had a great relationship with my stepdad. He never made me feel like I was anything less than his own, and because of that, I grew up knowing that love isn’t about blood; it’s about presence, care, and consistency. But as I got older, I realized not everyone had the same experience.

Some kids in blended families had step-parents who treated them like outsiders. Others struggled to feel at home in their own families. Some had to fight to be accepted, while others, like me, walked into love with open arms. And what I’ve learned over the years is that just because someone had to struggle doesn’t mean their journey is more valuable.

Yet, I’ve seen how people—because of their upbringing or environment—sometimes believe they are better than others. Instead of simply celebrating their success, they use it as a way to look down on those who had a different path.

For example, someone who grew up in hardship and became successful might scoff at those who were raised in privilege, saying, “I had to fight for everything, while they had it handed to them.” But does that mean the privileged person’s challenges weren’t real? Does it mean they didn’t have to work hard in their own way?

Or someone who grew up in the city might think they are more educated or well-rounded than someone raised in a rural village. But does that mean the person from the village knows less about life? That their knowledge and experiences are somehow less valid?

Even in blended families, I’ve seen biological parents who think they are “better” than step-parents because they gave birth to the child. And I’ve seen step-parents who feel superior because they stepped in when the biological parent was absent. But the truth is, none of these things define who is more important or more worthy.

5 Ways to Celebrate Without Bringing Others Down

Acknowledge Different Journeys – Just because someone had a different experience doesn’t mean theirs was easy. Everyone faces their own battles, even if they don’t look like yours.

Celebrate Without Comparison – When sharing your success, focus on your journey rather than comparing it to others. Say, “I’m proud of how far I’ve come,” instead of, “I worked hard, unlike some people.”

Practice Gratitude, Not Superiority – Be thankful for your journey without using it to make others feel less than. You can be proud of overcoming struggles without looking down on those who didn’t face the same obstacles.

Encourage, Don’t Diminish – Success is more meaningful when it inspires others. Instead of saying, “I made it, so what’s your excuse?” say, “I made it, and you can too.”

Remember, Growth Isn’t a Competition – Whether in blended families, careers, or life, no one wins by making others feel small. There’s enough space for all of us to grow, shine, and succeed in our own way.

Success, love, and family aren’t competitions. Just because your journey was hard doesn’t mean someone else had it easy. And just because someone is struggling doesn’t mean they’re failing.

So celebrate your wins. Be proud of how far you’ve come. But do it without making someone else feel small. Because real growth—the kind that lasts—happens when we bloom without casting shade on others.

Yours in Love,

Blended Families South Africa