Transitioning is never easy
This year marks five years that I have been distance parenting, a decision that I took based on a number of factors. This was by far the most challenging decision of my life because I always dreamt that if God ever grants me the gift of motherhood, then I would be present and available to raise my own child. Unfortunately, however, this was not to be. My plans were not aligned with God’s plan for my life.

Fast forward to 2022, my prayers are finally answered and I have it all figured out. I’ve envisioned the outcome so many times in my mind and heart. Finally I get to be a present mother!
Little did I know, because, after all, some of us take longer than others to learn the lesson, that my plan or vision was not aligned with God’s. Or maybe, I was just not realistic about how it would all turn out. I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve thought/said “This is not how it is supposed to be”. I could not help but feel that it was meant to be different! Did I take the time to ask God how does He want this situation to turn out? No.

Yes, I prayed for this. Yes, I prayed for a seamless transition. Yes, I prayed to be the best parent I can be. But still, after all the fasting, late night and early morning prayers. When the time finally arrived, it was just NOT seamless.
We tend to forget that:
everyone is transitioning.
a big change such as this one can be traumatic for all involved.
transitioning means that you have left behind what is comfortable and familiar, for new unfamiliar territory. Anxiety can kick in. Yes, it is a change that will bring about happiness and stronger bonds between you and your child. In the same breath, you have to get to know each other all over again in terms of habits etc. Everything from daily routines are disrupted, house rules differ from house to house too - all in addition to a change in environment.
From your child’s perspective, familiar and close relationships and friendships are “broken”, so is their relationship with their previous primary caregiver. Although these ties may be maintained, they remain strained nonetheless. To the child, things are just not the same anymore.

Image: my brother and daughter (p.s. they were both living with my mom)
The only way this situation could be easier is by taking it easy. Allow the aches and pains of the transition to take their course, and do not have any expectations. Observe, learn and adapt, and last but not least, in everything that you do - call on God and let love and respect lead the way.
Yours In Love
Zama Mkhize
Blended In Love SA
Edited by: Matseleng Seakeco

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